so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize