i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
