I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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