what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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