Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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