I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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