she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
