i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
