RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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