he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
