similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
