Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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