Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
