they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
