I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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