I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my poor anus
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
