Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
