Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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