If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
