i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
