I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
