so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
