i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
