Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
