Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
