Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
