dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
