Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
