I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
