Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
