Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
