GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
