dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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