After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
