this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
