why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
