i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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