At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
