...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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