Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize