I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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