I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
