and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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