well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize