it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
