if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
