at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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