Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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