Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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