Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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