so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
