I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
