If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my shit smells like andre
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We are two peas in an std pod
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
