tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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