Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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