So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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