can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish I only lived at night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
