i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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