Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
