May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize