I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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