You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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