why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
