Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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