I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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