wat bout pragnant strippers??
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
