bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
