I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize