I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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