so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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