I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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