If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
