My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
