# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
