the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
