Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
