my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
