I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
