thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
