Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
