so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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