I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
