I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
