I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
