i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
