I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
