Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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