I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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