This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
