I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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