all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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