My underwear smells like fireworks.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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