The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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