I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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