if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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