party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
