talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You ruined the universe
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
