I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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