I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
