Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
