we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
