I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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