I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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