Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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