his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize